StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor
Military Common Sense Rules
A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...
1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
5. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
6. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
7. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
8. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
9. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
10. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
11. Tracers work both ways.
12. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
14. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
15. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.
16. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
17. Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
18. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
19. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
20. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
21. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
22. Your job is to kill the other person before they kill you so
that your national leaders can negotiate a peace that will last
as long as it takes the ink to dry.
23. In the Navy, the Chief is always right.
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