- When
mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way
off, I got another 5 minutes"
- When you start humming with
the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus
-
Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking
attractive
- Every guy that reports to your unit starts
looking attractive
- You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the
KBR dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining
facility because you think it tastes better
- You actually
volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country
yet
- You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab
dress
- The contractors have more fire power than the military
combat units. (This is true)
- You take the time to add your
lines to this list
- You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on
dvds buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex
scenes
- You drink the water from the tap because you want to
drop 20 pounds in two weeks
- Driving around in SUVs with
weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal
to you
- You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark
in under 5 seconds
- When the organization you work for has
changed its name more than 3 times
- When you can actually
talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on
their cell phone a block away
- When you actually spend more
time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the
fight in Najaf
- Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to
the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to
pick each other up
- When you actually get excited to get a
package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret
Catalog
- When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer
every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over
- You memorized every
episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City
- You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie
bought at Haji mart
- You see celebratory fire going over the
compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire
back
- Your thinking of buying real estate in the green
zone
- Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging
with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you
kidding?
- You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in
friggin Baghdad
- You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make
you feel better about your time you have left in country
-
You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah
- You're in the
Marines and you start saying Hooah
- You're in the Navy and
you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in
the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the
Navy.
- You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home
because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore
this list, zoomie, you won't get it.
- You only notice the
stench of Haji funk when its not there
- You plan on removing
all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more
natural
- You forget there are other colors than brown that
can be found in places other than power point slides
- The
temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex
jacket
- You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot
and dry to short, cold and wet.
- When you call home and your
kids ask "Who is this?"
- You call home and your wife says
hello Bill (your name is Sam)
- When you go on R&R, you
duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and
assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive
Garden."
- When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth
using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local
water.
- While on R&R, you look out the window and find
Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.
-
When some of the contractors wear their DCU
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