Legal problems

Some unenlightened legal personnel, including the MPs and JAG, may not have read this manual.

Therefore, they might not recognize the corrective nature of your actions and instead term them "brutal, heartless assault," which is also true. The solution to this problem is preparedness: Requisition sufficient copies of this manual so that everyone on post that can legally screw you over can have one. Once these people have read this manual, they will respect you for having made the wise and just decision to wall-to-wall counsel.

If, on the other hand, you are dumb or overanxious and hold a wall-to-wall counseling session without having made the proper preparations, you need to be prepared for the worst. Simply bring this manual to your court-martial. After the judge reads it, you are certain to be acquitted.

There is one very large proviso, though: if you have to bring the soldier back from the dead as a result of your wall-to-wall counseling session, however, you are up crap creek and have no paddle. If you succeed in killing the soldier and he stay dead no matter how strict your order to resume living is, then you way be certain that you are going to jail. In this case, you will not get screweed with too badly. Just inform all the inmates that you are in jail because you beat another man to death with your bare hands and no one will even think about touching or going near you. No one likes the idea of being the next in line.

Next