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Short Rounds
Improbable Wars: The Aretine-Perugian "Marble" War
Arezzo, in eastern Tuscany, lies about 35
miles northwest of Perugia,
in Umbria. In 1335 Piero Saccone Tarlatti, Lord of
Arezzo, decided to add the town of Cagli to his domains, which greatly irked
the Perugians, since the place was under their protection. After some preliminary movements, the
Perugians won a series of important victories, and on November 12th
camped outside the walls of Arezzo. With winter approaching, the Perugians decided
against besieging Arezzo,
and spent five days plundering the surrounding countryside, including the Cathedral
of San Donato, which lay outside the city's walls. When they retired, on November 17th,
the Perugians brought away a great deal of booty. This included the marble carvings from the
cathedral's façade, which the Perugians installed on the front of the Church of San Lorenzo, on the main piazza of their
hometown.
When fighting resumed, early in 1336, Perugians again had
the upper hand, and had also secured an alliance with the Florentines, so that
by July they were once again camped outside Arezzo.
Desperate, and unable to secure allies, Lord Piero asked for terms. Complex negotiations began and Piero skillfully
dragged them out. Meanwhile, he opened
covert negotiations with the Florentines, and early in 1337 sold Arezzo to them. Much to the frustration of the Perugians, they
were thus forced to conclude peace with Arezzo
in April.
And the marbles?
Well, the terms of the peace between Arezzo and Perugia required the latter to return them, but
they never did. Naturally, this greatly
annoyed the Aretines, who got their revenge by fabricating a rumor that the war had begun in the
first place because the Perugians had run short of cash while expanding their
cathedral, and decided to attack Arezzo
in order to steal the marble, which gained some traction in contemporary
chronicles. Meanwhile, perhaps
hopeful that someday they might recover the lost marbles, the Aretines left the
façade of San Donato unfinished. This
continued until early in the twentieth century, when, with even the slow
learners having become convinced the marbles weren't coming back, a proper
façade was erected.
"These boots belong to the Queen"
Reportedly, one day during the late nineteenth century, a
British soldier was found to have sold his boots.
Naturally, the man was brought before his commanding
officer.
The good colonel inquired, "Now, Private Murphy, why
did you sell your boots? "
"I've worn 'em for two years, sir, and thought they was
my own property."
"Nothing of the sort," replied the colonel,
"These boots belong to the Queen."
"I'm sure I'm sorry, sir, but I didn't know the lady
took twelves! "
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