StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor

Return to Humor Index

Staff officers say the strangest things..... (UNCLASSIFIED) Part II

Discussion Board on this Military Joke

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

This is the second in a series of collected comments, made by American staff officers since 9/11, overheard and herein assembled for your edification, amusement and horror.

"One of the secrets to maintaining my positive attitude in this job is this: I complete no tasker before its time..."�� MAJ (EUCOM)

"It is nothing for US soldiers to be in the desert for a year without a woman. It is different for us,� though, because we are Latin..." LTC (LATAM country) on one of the differences between Latin American soldiers and their US counterparts

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..."�� Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker

"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet

"OK, this is too stupid for words."�� LTC (JS)

"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military

"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above

"I may be slow, but I do poor work..."�� MAJ (USAREUR)

"Great! What we really need are some more 0-5s (Lieutenant Colonel) around here..." MAJ (EUCOM) on the release of the list of 0-5 promotables

"Don't ever be the first...don't ever be the last...and don't ever volunteer to do anything...."�� CDR (EUCOM) relating an ancient Navy truism

"Hey, somebody should really do that..."�� CDR (CENTCOM) on the CENTCOM tasking process

�"Are you sure they aren't writing about us? Hell, at least we should jump on that wholesale desertion thing..." Maj (CENTCOM) on the following report from a newspaper:
���� "(The Iraqi military was crippled� by)...a multitude of erratic orders and strategic miscalculations, while its fighting units barely communicated with one another and were�� paralyzed from a lack of direction...these woes were compounded by incompetence, poor preparation, craven leadership and (the) wholesale desertions of thousands of soldiers..."

"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs (Action Officers) at his Command

"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..."�� LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation

"South of the Alps and East of the Adriatic, paranoia is considered mental equilibrium..."

"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in "fat chance..."" GS-15 (SHAPE)

"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)

"We have no position on that issue. In fact, your position IS our position. Could you tell us what our position is?" CDR (TRANSCOM, Transportation Command) at a policy SVTC (Secure Video Teleconference)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

© 1998 - 2024 All rights Reserved.,, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of
Privacy Policy